


Family Ties

by Are_you_ever_not_going_to_fall_for_that



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Supernatural
Genre: Hunter Xander, Real Family, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 17:56:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6019630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Are_you_ever_not_going_to_fall_for_that/pseuds/Are_you_ever_not_going_to_fall_for_that
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander always thought Tony Harris was his father he was wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer
> 
> Summary: Xander always thought Tony Harris was his father. He was wrong.
> 
> Spoilers for up to the finale of Buffy and to the Seventh season finale of Supernatural.

Things had changed since Sunnydale fell. He had gone to Africa to recruit slayers and seeing the wars and the poverty had been hard. Having only been able to save those that were slayers and leave everyone else had been hell. After he had come back to Cleveland, he announced that he wasn't going to be a watcher, because he was sick of just watching.

That was 9 years ago.

He still kept in contact with the girls who, over time, stopped trying to get him to give up hunting by himself. He was occasionally joined by slayers, witches, vampires or werewolves, especially if he was within 500 miles of Cleveland.

Another thing that had changed was his appearance. He had a lot more scars on his body and he supported a black leather jacket. Before he wouldn't have worn it just because Angel did. But leather protected his body and had saved his life more than once and, he wasn't that petty anymore. He also got his eye back when Willow found a spell that would do it with minimal complications.

He had been hunting for the last 8 years and was pretty good at it, if he said so himself. Even good hunters though, couldn't always find a hunt. That was why he hadn't been able to come up with any more excuses, so he was going to have to see his mom. She had been bugging him to come visit her for a few weeks. Xander didn't really want to see her though, because aside from his early years, she never been a great mother. What he really wanted to do was put her out of his head, which would be hard if he actually went to go see her.

His mom and Dad had moved, before Sunnydale fell in, to Florida. They had moved from one sunny place to another. The only way that his parents had been able to afford a house in Florida, was with the money that the government shelled out for those who had lost their homes and jobs in the cave in. That was the cover story for what had happened to Sunnydale.

He was closing in on the city and winced. Why was he putting himself through this? His mother had been a drunk since he was 8 years old. Any time he had asked her if she was coming to his athletic games, she would give some lame excuse and he eventually stopped doing extracurricular activities. They also stopped giving him money when it cut into their alcohol consumption.

His father had died 3 years ago in a drunk driving accident. Thankfully, he hadn't killed anyone other than himself. Xander had given his mom his cell phone number back then, in a moment of pity for his mother who had just lost her husband. He had regretted it when she had started calling him every day for past 3 weeks to come and see her. He finally agreed to come since he was between hunts.

He pulled off the freeway and started going towards her house. Xander had only been there once before, after the funeral for his dad, which he had gone to, even though nearly half the time he wished he hadn't gone. After the funeral, he had taken his mother back home when it became obvious that she had drunk something before.

He pulled in front of said house, parked and looked at the house. From the front, it looked nice. Lawn freshly cut, probably cut by some poor boy for a few dollars for someone who bought the outward appearance his mother liked to show everyone else. He hesitated awhile longer, contemplating just leaving, but if he left he would just be called every day again. With a sigh, he opened the door.

He looked up the walk and starting towards the door, which was difficult since his brain kept telling him to run away. He managed to find his way to the front door and ring the doorbell. It took a couple minutes before someone opened it, during which Xander had a hard time staying in place but managed it. The door opened, but it wasn't his mother standing there. It was a nice looking blond girl, in her early to mid 20's, wearing scrubs. The scrubs part is what worried him.

"Who are you? Where's my Mom?" Xander asked the quickly one right after the other.

"Are you Xander?" She asked in a friendly tone and Xander tried to calm himself down.

"Yes, I'm Xander. Where's my Mom?"

"Come on in," Xander winced, he thought he told his mother not to do that or let anyone else do it either. He stepped inside and the blond girl in scrubs closed the door before turning to him.

"Hi Xander, or would you prefer Mr. Harris?"

"Xander's fine. Where's my mother?" He tried to ask calmly.

"She's right through here," she started moving towards what if Xander remembered correctly was his mother's bedroom. He followed the blond girl into the room and when he got a glance at his mom and he didn't know what say. His mother was in bed, but not only that, she also had tubes and wires connected to her. The scariest thing was the heart monitor. She had an oxygen mask on and her eyes were closed. Fear started coursing through his veins.

"Mom," he whispered.

"Mrs. Harris? Your son is here to see you." His mom's eyes fluttered open and found his. Slowly she removed her oxygen mask.

"Xander?" she asked.

"Mom? What's going on?" She looked sad and regretful.

"I'm sorry Xander," Xander's heart plummeted. His mom used to apologize a lot when she had gotten drunk when he was young, but she hadn't apologized for anything since he was 16." I'm sorry for not being there for you as a child and young adult. I'm sorry I wasn't there for your graduation."

"I told you mom, that is wasn't safe to go to my graduation," he told her softly.

"I thought you told me that because you didn't want me and your father there to embarrass you."

"No, Mom there was a real danger and I was trying to protect you and Dad from it."

"Whether or not that's true, I still have other things that I'm sorry about. Like the fact you had to go on your road trip with your Uncle Rory's car, and the fact that we always said that weren't smart enough to get into college. I'm sorry that I didn't get to see you become this man you've become, because I can tell your a good man and we did nothing to help you become that way..." there was long pause "I'm sick," he had known ever since she had started talking about being sorry, the fact that her bed was full of tubes and wires had confirmed it. But hearing her actually say it caused him to crumple into the chair that was closest to him. He did his best to remain stoic.

"How long do you have?"

"Not much longer. It could be days, weeks or months." He closed his eyes briefly, so little time, he opened them again and focused back on her.

"Why didn't you tell me on the phone? I would have come sooner," he asked his voice breaking.

"Because I wanted to give time to come on your own. I would have told you on Monday if you hadn't come already."

"You can't be dying." He felt like a little boy at the moment.

"I can and I am," he took her hand and held it.

"Why?"

"I have cancer, liver cancer." From all the drinking she had done her whole life.

"There's nothing they can do?"

"I don't have the money and even if I did it's too late. They caught it too late." She was dying. She was really really dying.

"I'll stay with you until ...until the time comes," he said unable to say 'until you die'.

"Xander that's not everything. There's one more thing I've kept a secret from you, your whole life. Tony wasn't your father, at least, not biologically." He didn't realize that he slipped his hand out of his mother's.

"Are you serious?" That would be a terrible joke.

"Yes."

"Tony wasn't my Dad?"

"No, he wasn't." He wasn't sure what to think about that. All his fears of turning into his father because his genes were unfounded. Not that he knew that his actual biological father was any better.

"Who was my father then?"

"Your biological father was a man named John Winchester." John Winchester that name sounded familiar, but before he could get too far into that thought she continued. "We were high school sweethearts," she smiled wistfully. "We had these plans. John was going to be a marine and I was going to go to college and we'd wait for each other, and when John came back, we were going to get married. On the night before he left for the marines we...conceived you. I could have written him a letter and told him about you and he would have come back if he could, he was a good man. But I didn't want him to feel regret every time he looked at me or you, so I never told him. As soon I found out I was pregnant I found someone with a job and married him in the next two weeks before I started showing. Tony always thought he was your father."

"So he never knew? You sure that he didn't know?" It would be easier if he had known. The way he treated Xander would have much more explainable.

"I'm sure," she said weakly.

"I think that's enough for today." Xander jumped, he had forgotten that the nurse was even there. "She's very weak, she needs her rest." Xander got up from the chair and looked down at his poor frail mother. Normally he would have taken time to digest this information before planning to see her again, but she was dying and he didn't have that luxury.

"I'll be back tomorrow Mom," he bent down and kissed her forehead. His mother's eyes were already starting to close so he followed the blond girl, no nurse, his mom hospice nurse, to where the door was.

"Are you okay?" The nurse asked concerned, she had been in the room for the whole conversation.

"Honestly, I don't know," Xander answered shaking his head. "When can I come back?."

"Anytime, after 9 am tomorrow, is fine."

"Alight, I'll be here."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
> 
> Timeline: Happens in the summer after the seventh season finale for Supernatural and many years after the Buffy series finale.

Xander sat in his car staring at the steering wheel. His father wasn't Tony, but a man named John Winchester. John Winchester? Why did that sound so familiar? Then it came to him, John Winchester the legendary John Winchester, the man who had taken out so many non-Hellmouth supernatural creatures. Of course, he also heard that he was dead. If that was his father and not some other John Winchester, it could also be that Sam and Dean Winchester, legends too in their own right, although most of the hunting world looked down on them now ever since they had started the Apocalypse, could be his half-brothers. Of course, they had also ended it as well. He had heard various rumors about the Winchesters, and since he had never seen them before he wasn't sure which were true. He took out his phone without realizing it and once it was out, he knew that he needed to talk someone. Needed to tell someone, needed to get this off his chest. He dialed a number and waited anxiously as it rang once, twice and a third time.  
  
"Hello," she sounded happy. That would probably change once he told her what was going on.  
  
"Hey Willow," he tried not to sound as freaked out as he was.  
  
"Hey Xander, I miss you. When do you think you'll make it out to Cleveland?" she asked hopefully.  
  
"I don't know but when I do I'll give you a call."  
  
"So, are you injured?" Willow asked. Why did she always ask that question first or second? Did he sound like he was injured?"  
  
"Just some minor scrapes and bruises." The first time he had gone hunting, he thought he knew everything about the world, then he had met a non-Hellmouth vampire and had tried to stake it. Of course, it hadn't worked, and he had barely been able to get away from it with his life. That's when he realized that A, he didn't know how to fight, his previous method of hid behind Buffy until she kills it wasn't going to work if Buffy wasn't there. B. Apparently, things off the Hellmouth were different than things on it. C. If he was going to survive he would have to learn how to fight; which would require some time to learn. So, all in all, his little fight for independence was short-lived, because he had gone back to slayer headquarters and after a while convinced Buffy and Faith to train him. It had been a long and hard process, but if he hadn't done it, he probably wouldn't have been alive at the moment.  
  
"But you're taking care of them, right? Disinfecting and bandaging."  
  
"Yeah, of course."  
  
"Good or else you would in a lot of trouble mister." He almost smiled, Willow was so protective of him and he was just as protective of her.  
  
"Yes, I would."  
  
"So what are you hunting now?" Willow had had a hard time at first accepting that Xander wanted to hunt, or even saying the word hunt but she had it down now.  
  
"Nothing, I'm between hunts...my mom been pestering about coming to see her and since I didn't have a hunt, I ran out of excuses and finally just went to go see her...Willow, I need to talk to you about something," Xander said nervously.  
  
"What is it?" She sounded very concerned.  
  
"I found out that my Dad was not who I always thought it was, but a man named John Winchester."  
  
"That sounds familiar," Willow said pensively.  
  
"Maybe, because you're thinking about John Winchester, the famous hunter. Father of two other famous and infamous hunters, Sam and Dean Winchester. Of course, I don't know if I really his son or some other John Winchester's son."  
  
"Wow... that's wow," Willow said shocked.  
  
"Yeah, tell me about it," Xander scoffed.  
  
"So, what do you think about that?" she asked concerned.  
  
"I don't know... I just barely found out. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, add that to the fact that my mom's dying and.."  
  
"Your mom's dying?" Willow interrupted concerned.  
  
"I didn't mention that?" His head was in so many places at the moment, it wouldn't surprise him that he didn't.  
  
"No, you did not mention that. What's wrong with her?"  
  
"Cancer, liver cancer." 'That's what she got for drinking her whole life' though after he thought it, he felt guilty.  Maybe his mother hadn't been the greatest mother in the whole world but she had been his and now she was dying.  
  
"Oh, Xander! I'm so sorry. Is there anything I or we can do?" She asked her voice filled with sympathy.  
  
"They say she has at the most weeks left," Xander choked out, he didn't want to say that. He didn't want to admit out loud, not even to one of his best friends.  
  
"I'm so sorry. How are you?"  
  
"I'm still in the processing stage on both fronts. If she had told me this when she wasn't...I would have been so mad at her...but she's...and I can't," he was starting to choke up a bit so took a moment to compose himself.  
  
"Just when I thought my life was finally mapped out for me this happens. The universes way of saying you're still my butt monkey," he said with a small humorless laugh.  
  
"Xander," her voice was filled with compassion. Suddenly, he wished he was in the same room with Willow rather than just on the phone with her. He wanted a hug, he wanted psychical comfort, but Cleveland Headquarters was days away and with his Mom dying he couldn't leave town until...it happened.  
  
"Willow...I don't know how to deal with this. With my Dad, there wasn't any warning."  
  
"Maybe you should talk to Buffy...I mean Joyce..she had cancer too," Willow said slowly.  
  
"I don't want to bring that up. She was much closer to her mom that I am to mine."  
  
"But maybe it would help you to talk to someone, someone who's been through a similar experience."  
  
"It's not the same. She was young, barely in college when it happened; I'm a grown man."  
  
"Still, I think it might help...you can talk to Dawn as well." Xander disagreed even more with that comment.  
  
"No that's even worse. Dawn was still in high school and she nearly brought Joyce back from the dead because she missed her so much...I can't...not about that."  
  
"Well just think about it then. I don't know anything about that. Both my parents are still alive, although we don' t really talk much." Her parents didn't like she did Wicca, dropped out of the college, and was gay, although she had finished college since Sunnydale, the other two were not things they really liked. Joyce had been the best parents of all of theirs, that's why they had all missed her so much when she had died. Great now this was bringing up bad memories about Joyce's death. Another reason he didn't want to call Buffy or Dawn.  
  
"Xander... my class is starting in about a minute. Let me just call to cancel it." Xander shook his head.  
  
"No Willow, it's okay. I'll be okay. I just need some time to process."  
  
"Xander, it's fine I'll just call," This time, she was insisting.  
  
"Willow it's okay, I'll be fine."  
  
"Xander I really think..."  
  
"Bye Willow." He hung up and put the phone on his lap, a few seconds later his phone started to ring. He picked it up, saw it was Willow and put back down on his lap. He didn't want to talk anymore. Xander looked at the house again and knew he couldn't come back till tomorrow. He also knew what he wanted to do till then. He was going to find out whatever he could from where ever he could about the Winchesters.  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer

He had checked into a nice hotel. A perk he had for working with The Council was that he actually got paid to hunt. Whereas most other hunters hustled pool, poker and or ran credit card scams. He wasn't bad at pool or poker, he had a lot of practice over the years. Xander had done it a lot to learn what his tells were, how to hide them better and how to better spot liars.

He took out his silver laptop. Xander hadn't done well with computers in high school, but he had learned how to work them now up to the point he could hack into a good amount of things. Willow had taught him how to do it when he wasn't training.

He looked up Sam and Dean Winchester and found something interesting about them. Dean had faked his death, apparently twice and was now apparently really dead. Sam had apparently faked his death once and was now apparently really dead. Dean had faked his deaths in 2006 and again in 2009 and had just died late last year. Sam had faked his death in 2009 and had also died last year as well. He knew though that just because they were legally dead, didn't necessarily mean they were really dead.

Xander knew Dean had gone to hell and had been pulled out, that had big news back then. As it had been when Sam had been pulled out of hell a few years later. He had heard several people talking about that as well but as for their deaths last year, he didn't know. The Winchesters and Bobby Singer had gone under the radar and he had no idea what had happened to them since.

Hunters were often wanted by the authorities. He didn't know anyone as wanted as the Winchesters though, especially looking at the video again of those murders. Of course, he also knew the Winchesters had pissed off the Leviathans, so maybe the people in the video weren't Sam and Dean but Leviathans pretending to be them. Or maybe he just wanted to believe his possible siblings were innocent.

His phone started ringing again. He checked who was calling and saw it was Willow, again. He ignored it.

This time, he decided to hack into the FBI database, although he wasn't really sure what that would tell him.

Sam and Dean Winchester's rap sheets were both long and very detailed.

That was a lot of crimes. Most hunters tended to have rap sheets like that with possessions, shapeshifters, and other things that could make itself look like you. It wasn't hard to get rap sheets like theirs.

His phone rang again. This time, it was Buffy. Xander cursed under his breath. Willow better not have told her to call him, but in case she hadn't Xander answered it anyways.

"Hello."

"Xander, how are you?" Awful, tired, thinking about my possibly murderous possible brothers.

"Awesome," he said instead, managing to put some enthusiasm into it.

"Really?" she seemed surprised. So Willow did tell her to call him, he wondered if she had told her why.

"What? I can't be awesome?" he asked with false cheer.

"It's just...well...Willow told me to call you?" He knew it. He rolled his eyes, Willow could never just give him time to go through things in his own time, she always thought it was better to just talk and talk everything all away.

"She tell you why?"

"No, she just said that you sounded like you needed someone to talk to," she said a bit sheepishly.

"Well you tell Willow that I'm fine and I'm dealing with it," he said then winced. Crap, maybe she didn't catch it.

"Dealing with what?" she asked confused and a little suspicious.

"Nothing it's fine," he insisted. Why were his two best friends always asking him to share and care all his emotions? That's right, they were girls.

"Xander," she said warningly.

"Buffy it's fine. I'm fine. It's all fine."

"Alright, but if you need to talk, call me," she warned.

"Alright, I will. I'll talk to you later Buffy."

"Bye Xander."

"Say hi to your husband and kids for me will you?" Buffy was the first of them that had gotten married.

"Will do."

"Bye."

"Bye," he hung up and sighed.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

He was parked and ready to go in at 8:55. Now he was just looking at the clock waiting for it to say 9:00, despite the fact that he knew a watched pot never boiled. Eventually, although it had seemed like forever, the clock said 9:00. He got out of the car and made his way up the walk. He walked to the door and raised his fist. He wanted to talk to his mother, but at the same time, didn't. She lied to him his whole life about who his dad was, not to mention some other things he had put behind a wall so thick, he didn't have to think about it. Still, she was dying. He knocked and waited until the door opened. The nurse from yesterday was standing there and she opened her mouth. Although Hellmouth creatures usually stayed close to the Hellmouth, there was no rule that said they had to so he had to correct her asap.  
  
"Don't say come in, just open the door enough so I can come in." She looked at him like he was crazy.  
  
"Okay," she said in an I'm-talking-to-a-crazy-person voice. She opened the door wide and held it so that Xander could walk in which he did.  
  
"Thanks," he said softly. Xander didn't wait for her and walked quickly to his mother's room. He sat down next to her.  
  
"Hey mom," he said softly looking at her. She looked even skinnier and frailer than yesterday. She opened her eyes and stared into his. Xander's eyes became moist, he looked away for a second to collect himself.  
  
"Xander...are you mad at me?" She looked so weak, so pitiful, and he honestly didn't know how he was feeling so he just said.  
  
"No, mom I'm not."  
  
"I'm so sorry. I know me and Tony's marriage is part of what stopped you from marrying that girl."  
  
"Anya," Xander said quietly. His parents had never liked Anya, because well, she was kind of brutally honest. As an ex-vengeance demon, she wasn't very good at censoring herself. He was afraid of turning into them and that was a big part of the reason he hadn't married Anya. He also hadn't been ready for marriage. He now knew that he should never have asked Anya if he hadn't been willing to go through with it, but he had thought at the time he was ready.  
  
"It's okay." It wasn't and it would never be, but she was dying and Xander felt like was a kid again consoling her after his Dad hit her.  
  
"I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to stop him from hurting you." Xander's heart sunk, he had hoped that either she didn't know or she was too drunk to notice. The fact that she had known and hadn't done anything was so much worse.  
  
"It's okay," he lied.  
  
"No Xander it's not, and it shouldn't have taken me dying to say it to you...I was your mother...I should have protected you...I should have left tony...He wasn't always that way you know. In the beginning, he was sweet and kind," she smiled wistfully. "But everything changed when he lost his job when you were 5. He was unemployed for months and he started drinking heavily. At first, he only hit me and I should have left, but I couldn't," she started coughing again and the nurse came forwards but his mom waved her off.  
  
"I'm fine, just let me talk to my boy!" she barked at Cindy.  
  
"I started getting drunk to drown out the pain and then I couldn't' stop. I'm sorry that I missed your games and your plays because I was too drunk to go. I'm sorry that we were never around for you to ask us questions about life."  
  
"It's okay mom," he lied gently. Xander wondered what else she wanted to get off her chest since she ...going away- she was finally cleaning house.  
  
"Your real father, he was a good man...I wonder what have happened if I had just told him the truth?"  
  
"Did you ever tell him the truth?"  
  
"No, I did look him up when Tony started hitting me, but he was married, baby on the way."  
  
" He went to the marines right?" This time, he had brought a pen and paper so he could take down everything she knew about him and vigorously wrote everything down.   
  
"Yes."  
  
"What high school did you go to together?"  
  
"Lawrence High. I always wanted to get out of Lawrence and Tony wanted to live in California."  
  
"Why'd you move to Sunnydale?" Of all the places in California, they could have moved they had to move there. Of course, if they had moved anywhere else he wouldn't be living the life he was now. He would probably be still in the dark.  
  
"It was cheaper than the surrounding area's." Of course, it was cheaper. Who wanted to live in a town where the high school newspaper had its own obituary section. She started coughing again and this time it took a lot longer for her to stop. The nurse came in, checked her vitals and took a needle and put it in her IV.  
  
"You need to go now," she said.  
  
"Can't I just stay until she wakes up again. I promise I'll be quiet, you won't even know I'm here."  
  
"Alright, but be quiet." Xander nodded and made his way out of the room to the living room where he sat down. There was only one bedroom in the house, he found that out when he had driven his mother back here. It had kind of stung, them getting a house which if he did want to visit he wouldn't have a room to stay in. Although, he realized there was little point in paying for more than one bedroom if you only needed one bedroom.  
  
He was wasting his mom's time talking about his dad. Xander had a name, he would go after him later, though if he was the hunter he was already dead. He needed to calm his mom, talk about good memories he had with her and let her get her feelings out about this thing, but he didn't want to at the same time. He didn't want to have to deal with this, not alone. Mind made up he found the back door and went into the backyard. There were no plants, just grass nicely done like the front yard as well, there were trees out here as well. He went the furthest he could away from the house, aware of his promise to be quiet, took out his cell phone, and dialed.  
  
"Hello?" Buffy's groggy voice answered. He looked at the time, it was 9:30 AM with a 3-hour time difference, which made it 6:30 AM her time, on a Saturday. Oops.  
  
"Sorry Buff, I didn't realize how early it was. I'll call you back later."  
  
"No..no..Xander it's okay...what's up?" she yawned and he felt bad.  
  
"No, it's okay. I can talk to you later."  
  
"We're talking now, spill," she said in her you-better-do-what-I-say-or-else voice.  
  
"Willow was right. There was something I needed to talk to you about, but I thought I could handle it alone, and I realized that I can't, that I need to talk to someone and that someone is you. Now before I say something if you at any point don't want to talk about it anymore, it's fine. We don't have to talk about it at all."  
  
"Xander what are you talking about?" she asked concerned and confused.  
  
"My mom's dying, cancer," Buffy gasped.  
  
"I'm so sorry."  
  
"Yeah me too," Xander said, "She'll be...gone soon."  
  
"What can I do to help?"  
  
"I don't know how to deal with this," Xander said with a shake of his head. " What should I be saying to her? What should I do with her? How do I make the best of the time we have left?"  
  
"You know, if I had known that my mom would have died when she did and I couldn't change it. I would have stayed with her all night long, telling her how much I loved her and cared for her and would miss her. How everything she taught me I would carry through my life and teach to my own children." He could hear the sound of her sniffling and felt bad again "I would tell her how much I appreciated everything she did for me every day of her life. I would apologize for stupid fights with her. I would thank her for being there for me even when I didn't want her to be there." She started full out crying and Xander felt even worse.  
  
"Look, Buffy, I'm sorry this was a bad idea."  
  
"No! Xander, it's not a bad idea, because you should say these things! Your mother should know these things," she said sadly but empathetically.  
  
"She will," Xander said shortly.  
  
"If need anything, I mean anything, don't hesitate to call me at any time," Buffy said.  
  
"I will. I'll talk to you soon. Bye Buffy."  
  
"Bye Xander," he hung up. More than half the things Buffy had said were relevant to Joyce but not his Mom. So he had stirred up old emotions in Buffy and he didn't even know if he could use anything she said. He walked back into the house, went to the doorway of his mother's room, leaned against it and saw the nurse messing around with the machines. He looked at his mom. She had never been the mother he had always wanted her to be. There were few memories he could look back on and think that she was a good mother. He shook himself out of his head when the nurse started coming through the doorway, so he moved out of the way. She took a few steps towards the living room and Xander asked.  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"Cindy."  
  
'You're a hospice nurse aren't you." It was more of a statement than a question, but she answered anyway.  
  
"Yes, I am."  
  
"So you watch people die for a living?"  
  
"I help people in their greatest time of need, so they aren't in pain and their comfortable," she said snidely then turned back around. He realized that it may have sounded rude but he hadn't meant it that way.  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way," he said hastily, she turned back around.  
  
"It's just, I already lost my Dad and now I've got a new one possibly." If he wasn't dead, which if he was the hunter John Winchester he was. "I know you've heard our drama," he said motioning to the room and to them, she started to look a little embarrassed. "It's okay, it's not like we were being quiet about it. Do you know what I'm supposed to say to her? My friend, she lost her mom," his eyes were tearing up again and he turned away again to gain composure before he continued. "She tried to give me advice on what to say, but her mom she was a good mom, she was a great mom. Mine..." his eyes darted towards the room they were right outside of.  
  
"She's asleep right?" Cindy nodded.  
  
"My mom wasn't great. It wasn't easy for her to have my dad do that to her...but I don't want her to die unhappy. So what do I say to her?"  
  
"I don't know," Cindy said unhelpfully. "Yes, I watch people go for a living, but it's part of the job. You can't get too attached to your patients because you know eventually they are going to die and you'll have to start watching someone else. I haven't really ever lost anyone, except my rabbit. Even then it was sudden and my parents told me he went to go live on a farm. I didn't figure it out until I was a teenager," she said with a small laugh. "But my guess would be to tell her that you love her...tell her you what you wished it could have been...and tell her you'll miss her, if you would. "  
  
"Thank you, Cindy."  
  
"She'll be asleep for a few more hours at least, but if you want you can go in there and practice."  
  
"Thanks," he walked into the room and sat down and grabbed her hand.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  
  
He hadn't gotten out more than a word or two all night, trying to think of what to say and how to phrase it. When she finally opened her eyes again he still wasn't ready.  
  
"Hey mom," he said softly he rubbed her forehead a little.  
  
"Xander," she closed her eyes again. He wanted to keep her awake, but Cindy said she needed her rest.  
  
"You're so strong, I know you didn't get that from me or your father. I wished we could take back the years that have passed, just go back and redo it all over again...but we can't, can we?" she coughed a little, covering her mouth.  
  
"No, we can't. If it means anything, I would like if we could redo it all again too. Mom, there 's something I need to tell you. No matter what happened in this family, no matter what you or Tony did, I love you. I love you Mom." His eyes were tearing up again, this time, he let them fall. "And I will miss you. Not all the memories are bad ones. I remember that time when I was 7, dad broke my truck against the wall and I was so upset. You took me to the park and you let me play all day long there, then you bought me ice cream. You held my hand as we crossed the street. You were sober and you smiled and it was the perfect day." He could see tears in her eyes as well and she was smiling too.  
  
"Thank you Xander, that means everything," she said softly then her arm dropped a little and suddenly he heard the sounds of her flat-lining.  
  
"Mom?"  
  
"Mom?!" he said louder.  
  
"Cindy!" he yelled when he finally gathered his wits about him. She came into the room and took in whatever the monitors were saying and started working on his mom. She even had a shock cart and she charged up the paddles.  
  
"Clear," she yelled and tried to shock his mom. It didn't work. She tried again and it still didn't work. Eventually, she turned off the heart rate monitor. He stared down at his mom. Part of him wanted to rage at Cindy, but it wouldn't do any good. If she hadn't died today she probably would have died tomorrow and at least, she wasn't suffering anymore. He ran his hand through her hair, she was gone. She was really gone. He collapsed into the chair beside her and just stared at her.  
  
"I'm sorry for your loss." Xander stared down at his mother, she was gone. His Uncle Rory, his Mom, and Dad were the only relatives he had had. Dad was dead, Uncle Rory had died 8 years ago in LA during an apocalypse and now his Mom was dead. He had no other family... except he did. John Winchester was his Dad. While John Winchester was dead and Sam and Dean were possibly also dead, if they were alive he would find them. He had to find them.  
  
A/N: So the end of this chapter is kind of misleading, it's going to take Xander a bit longer to find them.


	6. Chapter 6

### Chapter 6

He didn't like funerals. Didn't like that the word funeral had the word fun in it, because there was nothing fun about funerals. There were a lot of people that he didn't know, and from the looks some of them were giving him, he wondered what his parents had said about him. They must have said something bad because they were all staring at him like he was a criminal. Probably thought he was here just to collect his inheritance. What they didn't know was there wasn't any. His mother's medicals bills had been high and whatever was left was used to pay for the funeral. The only thing he got was to go through the house before they sold everything off at an estate sale, which would help pay for the funeral.

He wore mirrored sunglasses even though it was cloudy out. He didn't want to anyone to try to stare him down. He ignored the stares he felt on him through the eulogists service and tried not to contradict everything the eulogist was saying in his head.

The casket was put into the ground. Xander stared at it. Just days ago his mother had been alive and now she wasn't.

Two hands gripped his and he felt grateful that they were here for this, even more so because they had to travel a long way to get there. People started leaving. There was no wake because he was the only one who would have done so and he couldn't stomach the thought.

"I'm sorry Xander," he looked to his left where Willow was standing in a nice black dress, he squeezed her hand.

"I'm sorry too Xander," he looked over at Buffy who was wearing a similar ensemble and squeezed her hand too.

"I'm so glad you guys are here. I don't know what I would do without you," he stared again at the hole that the casket was in.

"We're glad to be here for you Xander," Willow said and Buffy squeezed his hand.

"I hope...I hope she was happy...when..." he trailed off trying to not cry, he had done enough of that in the last few days.

"I'm sure she was, you were there with her," Buffy said softly.

"Yeah," Xander said softly.

"I still have to go through the house to see if I want anything...when do you guys have to go?"

"I have to get back by Sunday," Buffy said apologetically.

"I don't have to be back until next Thursday," Willow said brightly.

"Will...will you come with me to look at the house?" he asked nervously. He wasn't sure he could do it alone, which is why he hadn't done it yet. Willow and Buffy had both flown in last night.

"Of course Xander," Buffy said.

"Of course," Willow added. He couldn't stop staring at the casket which was starting to be buried. He knew he should have given her a hunter's funeral, but he couldn't. She had friends, that's who the funeral was for, besides she didn't seem like the vengeful spirit type.

"You guys can go if you want, I'll just call a cab," he said.

"I'm good," Buffy said.

"I'm good too," Willow said. After a long pause, Buffy added.

"Dawn wanted me to say again that's she's sorry she couldn't make it, she had a conference she couldn't reschedule."

"It's fine," he said, although he wished she was here too. She would hug him and never stop until he told her to multiple times. They didn't talk for awhile after that Xander wasn't sure what they were doing, but he knew he was staring at the grave and thinking about everything. Her last moments, her life, the happy moments he had had with her.

"Xander, it's getting dark." Xander jumped, he had forgotten that Willow and Buffy were there. They were right, it was getting dark.

"You guys can go," then he remembered that they drove together. He sighed, it wasn't like staring at the grave all night would make his mother come back or fix the past. He got up.

"Okay, I'm ready to go," He legs seemed foreign for a second like they didn't belong to him, before he got them under control. He found himself leaning against Buffy as they walked to the car. Buffy didn't complain, in fact, she didn't say anything about it, for that he was grateful. The short walk back to the car seemed to take a long time. He kept feeling like his mom didn't want him to leave her, even though he knew she was dead. Willow walked behind him so even if he looked back he wouldn't necessary see her. Somehow they had made their way to the car and Xander slumped into the passenger's seat of Buffy's rental car. He heard the doors to the drivers and back seat door close after a moment.

"Xander?" Xander didn't respond, instead, he pressed his head into the glass of his car door. The car pulled away from the curb and Xander watched the scenery pass by. He absently heard Buffy and Willow trying to talk to him, but he focused on the scenery. His mom was gone... she was gone...he knew there was such a thing as hell Sam and Dean had both been pulled from it...Sam and Dean could be his half-brothers...Xander batted those thoughts away, for now. He would find them later...right now he had to get his mindset right. He knew there also was a heaven, 2 years ago everything had been about the apocalypse, angels, and demons. He wondered where his mom was headed? He hoped it was heaven.

The car stopped and Xander saw that they were back at his hotel. Buffy and Willow were staying in the hotel as well and most of the time one of them was always around him. He supposed they wanted to show their support, which he liked the idea of, but constantly having them around and never getting a moment just to himself was starting to grate on him.  
He opened his door and made his way up to his room, his key card flashed red 3 times before he finally got it to open. He made his way on the thin green carpet to the bed, he sat down on his brown bedspread, head against the headboard. He didn't close the door knowing that Buffy and Willow would be coming into the room right behind him and closed his eyes. He heard Buffy and Willow step into the room, the door being closed and then the sounds of them getting settled at the little table since his bed was the only bed in the room. He didn't need to open his eyes to know that Buffy and Willow were both looking at him concerned. They had had that look for the past few days.

He had to get out of his head, all this thinking about his mom was driving him nuts. He picked up the remote and turned on the TV, and started flipping through the channels. He could still feel Buffy and Willow's eyes on him. Without looking at them, he asked them.

"Is there anything you guys want to watch?" they didn't say anything so Xander picked the show. No matter how much he tried to pay attention to it, his mind kept wandering back to his mother. She was gone. Xander realized as another show started up again that he had absolutely no idea what the last show had been about.

"Xander, what do you want to eat?" Xander blinked, it took a minute for the question to process and he replied.

"I'm not hungry," Xander said absently.

"Xander, you can't do this. You can't just shut down," Buffy said.

"I'm just tired," he said and realized he was, maybe he should sleep.

"No, you're depressed," Buffy countered.

"I lost my mom. How else am I supposed to feel?!" Xander snapped.

" Grieve however you want, but you've got to eat. You didn't eat yesterday and you haven't eaten today."

"I'm not hungry!" Xander shouted. Was it too much to ask for a few days to think about his mom?!

"Xander?" Willow asked softly.

"I'm not hungry! Drop it!" Xander closed his eyes again he was tried, just really tired...

 

## The End?

You have reached the end of "Family Ties" – so far.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.   
> Sorry about the formatting I tried to fix it but it keeps staying like this.

### "I'm driving Buffy to the airport. Do you want to come with or say your goodbyes here?" Xander jumped and looked around to what had caused to him to be knocked out of his thoughts.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I have to go back, remember?" Buffy looked at him concerned, he shook his head to clear it.  
  
"Yeah, thanks for being there for me Buffy."  
  
"No problem, anytime." he hugged her briefly and let her go.  
  
"Say hi to the wife and kids for me," he said more as an automatic response than him trying to be witty, she turned to look at him.  
  
"Xander, I'm going to miss you. Please, if you need anything, call me anytime day or night."  
  
"I will," they hugged again for longer this time and then Buffy and Willow started heading out the door. He waved bye to Buffy and sat back down at the small table. He tapped his fingers nervously on the table. He didn't like the silence, the silence made him think about his mother and about her last moments. He turned on the TV and put it on a show, it, unfortunately, didn't work very well and when Willow opened the door later he was still thinking about his mother.  
  
"Hey, Xander I brought back some Chinese food." Xander nodded, he wasn't particularly hungry, but Buffy and Willow had made it known in no uncertain terms that he was going to eat whether he felt like it or not. Xander got up from his bed and made his way to the table where Willow handed him a take-out box. Xander sat down at the table and stared at the box for a moment then opened it and slowly started eating the contents. It didn't taste particularly good, then again not much had for the last week, but he ate it anyway.  
  
He had to stop thinking about her every hour of every day. It was so tiring and it was making him crazy, but every time he tried to think about anything else his mind would always go back to her. There had to be something to get his mind off her...and there was... His father's family. He had nearly forgotten about them in his grief but his father's family, they were a mystery and mystery required a lot of thinking and work to solve. A lot of time where he wouldn't be thinking about his mother's last moments.  
  
"Willow, Can you help me find out if John Winchester was my father?"


	8. Chapter 8

"So we got three death certificates for all three Winchesters," Willow said.  
  
"But Sam and Dean both died before and came back. What's to say they didn't do it again? Or it wasn't a fake death in the first place?"  
  
"If they are your brothers, they are certainly strange, and possibly dangerous. I mean look at how long their rap sheets are, especially Dean's." Willow motioned to the printout of the Winchester's rap sheets, which was somewhere in a large mess of papers on the small table. Among the papers were a copy of the picture in his mom's yearbook of John Winchester compared to a picture from one of his arrests. Picture wise the connection was plausible, along with the fact that John Winchester would have been 18 at the time of his conception, so the ages fit as well. The only way to know for sure though was to find Sam and or Dean and run a DNA test.  
  
"You know that's how most hunter's rap sheets look right? It's how mine would look if I didn't have connections to the Council."  
  
"I don't like it. What if they are as bad as their rap sheets say they are?" Not all hunters were sane. Not all hunters knew where the line was and some didn't care if they harmed humans who got in the way.  
  
"Do you want to be a Winchester?"  
  
"What?" Xander said startled, he hadn't really thought about it very much.  
  
"Do you want to be a Winchester?" Willow repeated again.  
  
"I don't know. Being part of a family of hunters is preferable to being from a family of drunks. But being part of a family of drunks is better than being part of a family of serial killers, if the part where the Winchesters went off the rails and purposely started the apocalypse is true. "  
  
"You don't think anyone would purposely start an apocalypse, would you? I mean humans," she corrected quickly.  
  
"Humans can be just as bad as monsters, and hunters, if they don't stop on time, can go crazy. One of them I heard is in an asylum at the very moment, too many monsters."  
  
"I see, you're making me all warm and tingly inside."  
  
"You think slayers won't too? Before Buffy what's the oldest a slayer ever got? 30, maybe? Hunters die young too, but I know of hunters who live to retire." of them but none specifically. He was really lacking in information about other hunters. He had never really thought about the fact that due to his ties to The Council he was so out of touch with the rest of the hunting world.  
  
"I need to find a hunter," Xander said absently.  
  
"What?" Willow asked.  
  
"I gotta to find someone who actually knows them, or knew them...wish the roadhouse was still around.." at Willow questioning look Xander waved it off, "Nevermind."  
  
There used to be a bar he used to go to get information and sometimes hunts, but the roadhouse was gone now. It's owner Ellen, her daughter Jo and Ash were all dead. He knew the Winchesters had something to do with that, but he never got the whole story. He didn't have much in the way of hunting buddies since half of them were crazy psycho's who would kill you rather than look at you and the other half he didn't know. But there was one guy he paired up with once. Not that he had exactly liked pairing up with him, but he still had his number.  
  
"I got to make a phone call," Xander said and stood up and made his way to the other side of the room. He took out his phone, dialed the number and waited for him to answer.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hey Garth."  
  
"Hey Xander."  
  
"So do you know the Winchesters?"  
  
"I went on a hunt with them a little while ago."  
  
"So they're alive?"  
  
"They were a few months ago."  
  
"Good, that's good. What do you know about the Winchesters?"  
  
"A bit. What do you want to know?"


	9. Chapter 9

It had taken a few days and some research on Garth's part, but now Xander knew quite a bit about them, and now even had an idea of where to find them. Garth had told him about hunting cabins.  
  
There were hunting cabins all over the place, where only other hunters would know to check. He had a feeling that Sam still hiding from the government, despite the fact that he was officially dead and also from the remaining Leviathans, which was definitely the more formidable enemy.  
  
This was the third hunting cabin he was checking. He made sure that the various weapons he had on his person were well hidden and made his way up to the door. He knew it wasn't terribly smart to knock on a hunters cabin door if there was anyone in there, but it would be a lot less smart to just try to walk in.  
  
He raised his fist and knocked loudly a few times. He searched the windows which were covered in dark curtains trying to see if he could see any movement from the inside. He didn't, but he did hear some soft footstep coming closer to the door. The door swung open, and Xander knew he found Sam. He looked different than he had in his murder video. His appearance was haggard. He was pale, and he had dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't slept in days, which was probably the case if what he had heard about Sam and Dean's relationship was true. Of course, he noticed his appearance second. The first thing he noticed was the gun being pointed at him by his possible brother no less.  
  
"Who are you and what are you doing here?" Sam demanded practically shouting. It took a moment for his brain to process what the smell was that was drifting through his nostrils, it was alcohol and it was on Sam's breath. So a gun and drunk. Fun, fun, fun.  
  
"I've been looking for you Sam." Sam didn't lower the gun.  
  
"Why!"  
  
"Because I think we might be brothers!" Xander had been planning to talk to him for a bit and then bring it up, but the fact that a gun was pointed at him had changed everything. That only seemed to make Sam angrier.  
  
"I already have a brother! I just need to get him back," Sam seemed so broken and if Sam wasn't holding a gun on him, he would feel sorry for him. Sam looked suspiciously outside.  
  
"Get inside." He wasn't really sure he wanted to talk to Sam anymore, and definitely wasn't sure he wanted to be alone in a cabin with Sam pointing a gun at him. Of course, Sam took the safety off the gun then, which really meant he had no choice but to follow. Sam closed the door behind him and Xander's eyes noticed an almost empty bottle of whiskey. So he was very drunk, awesome.  
  
"Sam, I heard about Dean dying and I'm sorry..."  
  
"He's not dead! He's in purgatory and I'm going to get him out!" Sam said slurring his words a bit. Xander made sure his hands were as straight and open as they could be, he really didn't want Sam to shoot him accidentally.  
  
"Of course you will," Xander said trying to placate him.  
  
"He cut off the head and the body was supposed to flounder. It wasn't supposed to take him away." Sam drunk another shot of whiskey. The younger man was getting drunker and he really had to get Sam to put the gun down before Sam shot him on accident.  
  
"How am I supposed to find him?!"  
  
"I'll help you find him, but now you've got to put the gun down. Please." It was like Sam hadn't even heard him.  
  
"He was there one second and then he was gone. I thought Cas had zapped them out, but Crowley said-"  
  
"Sam," this whole trying to be calm thing wasn't working, so he was going to try a different tactic and hope he didn't get shot.  
  
"Sam!" he shouted drawing Sam's attention back on him. "You're holding a gun on me with the safety off, and your drunk, and it's making me really nervous. So you at least need to put the safety back on!" Sam looked like a kicked dog, he put the safety back on and dropped the gun to the hardwood floor. After that, he grabbed the whiskey and curled up into a chair facing away from him. The man seemed really lost without Dean. Xander looked at the door for a long moment, maybe it would be better to leave and come back when Sam was a little less drunk.  
  
"You seem older not younger," Sam said slurred softly. Xander kept staring at the door but decided to reply.  
  
"I am. Your Dad conceived me right before he left for the Marines...he never knew about me."  
  
"Well at least there's that...he had another son Adam. He died when a ghoul ate him and his mom. Then he said yes and I pulled him into The Cage with me." he had heard of The Cage from Garth.  
  
"Wonder how many more siblings I have out there?" Sam asked faintly, he was very very drunk. Xander didn't know how to respond to that so he said nothing.  
  
"You may be my brother..but you're not...not. Dean," he slurred, he seemed so broken. Then he promptly dropped the whiskey bottle onto the floor. It didn't break, but its content emptied onto the floor. Sam's head collapsed onto his knees and it was clear he had just drunken himself to sleep. He hadn't expected this kind of reunion. He had expected yelling, not being believed and wanting proof, but he had never expected this.  
  
He wanted to get out of there. Sam was so drunk he probably wouldn't even remember him in the morning. He still didn't have any proof that they were, in fact, brothers. But instead, he set about cleaning the room a little. He found the bathroom, found a towel which he then took and used it to clean up the remaining whiskey. Xander took the empty bottle and put it in the trash and put all the dirty dishes that he found into the sink.  
  
He looked at Sam. Sam still had his shoes and jacket on. Xander sighed, he wasn't sure why he wasn't getting out here. The man had nearly shot him. But all he could think about was how it was going to be uncomfortable sleeping like that. Especially since he was still curled into a tight ball on a chair too small for his large frame. Xander pulled off Sam shoes and looked at him. He was too big for him to move to the bed without waking him up and he probably wasn't going to be waking up for awhile. He sat on the chair next to Sam looking him over. Even in his sleep Sam still looked sad, that's when he decided to stay the night. Besides, the younger man could use some help once the hangover hit tomorrow because it was going to be a doozie  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me :)


	10. Chapter 10

After having taken a tour of the cabin he found out it included three rooms. One bathroom, one bedroom, one big room which included a mini kitchen, a fireplace, a ratty couch and a small table with 3 chairs, along with the chair that Sam was asleep in. He also found an impressive amount of weapons and whiskey. He wondered if Winchesters liked things that started with W.  
  
Right now he was sitting on the ratty couch staring at Sam. He was tired but he didn't want to fall asleep, in case Sam woke up and tried to kill him before he could explain to him who he was if Sam couldn't remember their conversation. He had heard that Sam was level headed which he had definitely not seen last night. Of course, it was probably because Dean was M.I.A, in purgatory, he corrected himself, if what Sam had screamed at him last night was to be believed. He blinked, watching Sam sleep wasn't exactly exhilarating. He reached his hand up to rub at his eyes which were starting to feel like sandpaper, maybe he could close his eyes for a few moments.  
  
Xander woke up some time later to a loud groan and he winced, bad hangover just like he had predicted. Sam still had his eyes closed and didn't seem to notice he had spent the night in a chair yet. Sam's eyes opened slowly as he looked to the left. He knew the exact second Sam saw him when he tried to get up. Which didn't work real well since apparently due to the way he had slept in the chair, something was still asleep. Sam was looking at him confused and leery.  
  
"Who...who are you?" So Sam's memory from last night had some holes in it.  
  
"What do you remember from last night?" Sam blinked several times and shook his head, then clutched at it in pain. Xander decided to just come out and say it and hope the reaction was better than it was last night.  
  
"I'm possibly your brother." Sam glared at him and got up out of the chair kind of jerkily. He reached for something at his side, probably the knife that had been there until Xander had removed it while he was sleeping as a precaution. Xander tensed as Sam started coming towards him, then saw him turn and sprint towards the direction of the bathroom. Xander grimaced, very sucky hangover.  
  
Sam had tried to threaten him again, so Xander nearly left then because the door was wide open and it wasn't like Sam believed him anyway. Xander sighed, he must be crazy. He went to the cabin's kitchen sink and filled up a cup with water, grabbed the bottle of pills he had found during the night and headed towards the bathroom. As he got closer, he grimaced as he heard Sam being sick. He went in and put the cup and pills on the sink. Sam looked up and stared at him for a moment before continuing.  
  
"Do you want anything else?" Xander asked. Sam glared at him.  
  
"What make you think we're brothers?"  
  
"My mom told me. She said she got pregnant before John went into the marines and she never told him. But I saw her yearbook. There was a picture of John in there, and it looks similar to the pictures I've found of him online. He would have been 18 when I was conceived so the ages fit." Sam wiped his mouth, having finished vomiting, stood up and grimaced again. Xander took the pills from the sink and waved them in Sam's face.  
  
"Sure you don't want any pills?" Sam's eyes flickered to the bottle, then off it to a segment of the floor. He seemed to be in deep thought so Xander decided to let Sam figure out what he wanted to say and just stay quiet. It took him a few minutes but Sam eventually looked up into his eyes.  
  
"Even if we are brothers, what do you expect us to do? Just hug and become a family?" Xander sighed.  
  
"Sam I don't know what I expected. I just wanted to see you and let you know. We're not children, we've lived our lives without each other."  
  
"So what, you're just going to leave your brother in Purgatory?" Sam bitterly accused him.  
  
"You know Sam, you're kind of giving me mixed signals here."  
  
"I need Dean." the younger man wasn't even drunk now, although he was hungover.  
  
"Sam, I need you to give me a straight answer. You can think about it, but I want you to give me an answer as soon as you can. Do you want me here or not?" Sam blinked and looked away again, then left the room. Xander let him go. If he needed time to think he would let him think. He gave him about ten minutes, then got sick of being in the bathroom, so he went into the other room.  
  
"You have got to be kidding me," Xander said under his breath at the sight that met his eyes. Sam was drinking again. Buffy always said that little sisters were pains in the ass. Little brothers seemed to be that way as well. Xander made his way over to him and held out his hand for the bottle. Sam ignored his hand and took another drink.  
  
"Sam," Xander said. "You're hungover and you're drinking.  
  
"Whether or not you are my brother, you can't tell me what to do!"  
  
"Dean's in purgatory and you want to get him out. How do you plan on doing that?" Xander found himself pushed against a wall. The look in Sam's eyes was one of anger and desperation. Boy, this guy was hurting without Dean.  
  
"Don't talk about Dean, you don't know him." Xander tried to remain calm.  
  
"No Sam, I don't. But I do know you're never going to find a way to get him out by drinking yourself to death. I'm wrong that purgatory isn't where you would go?"  
  
"No, I'd probably go back to the cage with Lucifer and Adam." After a few moments, he added, "Adam is my younger brother."  
  
"I know, you told me last night." Sam sat down and fiddled with the bottle in his hand but didn't take another drink.  
  
"I've looked for months and I haven't found anything."  
  
"Maybe I can help."  
  
"How?" Sam asked suspiciously.  
  
"I have resources."  
  
"What's your name?" he asked. Xander laughed, he had been talking with Sam all last night and this morning and this was the first time Sam asked. Of course, he wasn't really at the top of his game with being drunk, then being hung over.  
  
"Xander."  
  
"Last name, Xander?"  
  
"Harris," he seemed surprised.  
  
"I've heard of you. You're a decent hunter." Sam looked suspicious again, "If you are who you say you are?" Sam got up and rummaged through his bags and brought out a flask and a knife. He hoped it wasn't whiskey Sam handed to him.  
  
"It's holy water. Drink it." Xander took the flask from him, holy water always tasted a little weirder than regular water but it had never made him smoke.  
  
"I'd rather use mine if that's okay with you?" He took the silver knife he had holstered to his leg and gave it to Sam to inspect and Sam gave it back after he looked at it for a minute. Xander hated doing this, but it was necessary in order to gain trust. He dragged it across his forearm and showed it to Sam. The blood was red and it wasn't smoking.  
  
"Now you," although he had already done most of the test while Sam was asleep. Sam took his holy water and drank it and then sliced his forearm as well, showing him the wound. Red blood, no smoke, not leviathans, demon or shapeshifter.  
  
"So neither one of us is a monster," Sam said slowly, at least none of the monsters which couldn't pass the test.  
  
"You said you had resources. What kind of resources?"  
  
"I'm associated with Cleveland Headquarters."  
  
"Cleveland Headquarters?"  
  
"It's a slayer house."  
  
"Oh, for Hellmouth types of demons. I remember my dad telling me if I was within 250 miles of an active Hellmouth the rules were different. He taught us the rules about Hellmouth monsters too. When I was 17 he told us that Sunnydale fell and the one in Cleveland was guarded. So unless we happened to run into one that strayed outside that radius we didn't need to worry about them too much. What kind of resources do they have there?"  
  
"Well Willow for one, she's crazy smart and she's also a powerful Wiccan." At Sams' look of alarm, he added quickly,  
  
"A good witch, a very good witch."A lot of hunters hunted bad witches. Some didn't even seem to think that there was any difference between a good witch and a bad witch."Not to mention a large library full of books on demons, most of them for the Hellmouth variety, but I'm sure we can find something out."  
  
"We?"  
  
"Well yeah, like I said, we don't have to hang out or ever talk to each other again if you don't want to, but if you do want my resources I'm going to have to come with you to vouch for you, they won't let you in otherwise."  
  
"What about angels, does it have stuff on angels?"  
  
"I don't know. Probably, why?"  
  
"Cas is with Dean." Xander nodded, remembering that tidbit of information now. Sam and Dean had an angel friend who swallowed a bunch of creatures to get power, then sent them back, all except for the Leviathans. A lot of people had died because of the Leviathans and a lot of people had died because of the apocalypse. If he wanted to get to know his brothers he probably had to overlook that. Sam looked around the cabin and then to Xander.  
  
"How soon can we get there?"  
  
"We can leave right after I get some sleep. It will take us about 9 hours."  
  
"Or we could leave now and you can sleep while I drive." Sam countered. Xander sighed, yes it would be faster, but he was kind of leery of Sam. He had held a gun to him and went for his knife all in the last 24 hours. He wasn't sure he could sleep in the car with Sam being in the same car. Of course, he seemed a bit more rational than he had before, then Xander remembered Sam had been drinking. He was glad he could use that, rather than tell him he wasn't sure he could trust him  
  
"You're drunk." Sam looked down at the bottle at him and sighed.  
  
"I'm not drunk but I understand."  
  
"So you sober up and I sleep and then we'll hit the road." Sam nodded looking morose. Xander picked himself up and moved to the couch. Even though this wasn't Sam's place it was a hunter's cabin, he didn't feel right taking the bed. He had only slept a few hours before being woken up and now that the drama was at a lower level he felt exhausted. He took off his jacket and his shoes and used his jacket as a blanket. For the couch looking so ratty it felt extremely comfortable and he was asleep within minutes.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Supernatural.

Xander pulled into a parking spot in the headquarters parking lot and looked over at the passenger's seat. Sam was looking at the building. Sam had just woke up about a half an hour ago and they hadn't really talked much in all the time it had taken to travel from the hunter's cabin. They had taken his car, because Sam's car had been stolen and Sam said that their usual car was in storage.  
  
He looked at the building itself. He had been part of the team that had renovated the building to its present day splendor. He got out of the car and watched Sam do the same. Xander locked it and headed towards the main entrance, subconsciously making sure footsteps were following him. He got to the door, nice mahogany wood, and considered for a second just walking in, but he hadn't lived there in a long time, it would be better to ring the doorbell. He pushed it and waited about 3 seconds before a girl came to the door. She was young, Xander had never seen her before.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Tell Willow that Xander's here."  
  
"Xander? Thee Xander?" she asked surprised.  
  
"Uh sure," he said uncomfortably.  
  
"Sure." She closed the door on Xanders' face, he blinked in surprise. He waited a few more minutes before the door opened again to reveal Willow on the other side and grinning ear to ear. Xander immediately hugged her tightly. Xander remembered Sam then.  
  
"Willow this is Sam; Sam Willow," he said.  
  
"Xander, you know what the girls will do when they see you, they'll go crazy. The older girls will protect you but who will protect him?" Willow joked and Xander laughed until he saw Sam's look of concern.  
  
"They're not violent," he clarified, "just over excited when any male walks through the door that doesn't normally live here."  
  
"Especially if they're hot," Willow added.  
  
"Don't worry she's gay."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Well, you are!"  
  
"Anyways." Willow opened the door and stepped aside. Xander stepped in first and went to the side, he waited a few moments for Sam to do the same. Willow closed the door behind her and Xander looked over the area. The building used to be a run-down hotel. This had been the lobby area. Now it was full of couches, bean bags, and chairs, on the other side there was a large tv. He had lived there for a year and he had helped build it.  
  
What was new were the girls, most of whom he had never seen before. Of course, it made sense, most slayers went back home when they were done training. The girls he had trained would all be in their mid-20's about now. It always hit him when he came here that time didn't stop just because he wasn't there. Willow started moving, pulling him out of his thoughts as he made to follow her, and he made sure that Sam was following him. They were going toward the elevator, because unless you wanted to stay in the lobby or use the stairs it was the only place you could go. Willow hit the up button and after a few moments of waiting the elevator opened and they filed in.  
  
"So where are we going?" Willow asked him. He wanted to sleep, he had done the driving the whole way there, Sam had mostly slept. But he knew that Sam would want to get right down to researching so that's where they were going.  
  
"The library."  
  
"Right to work then?" she smiled and pushed the 2 button. The second floor used to be rooms, but they had gutted it and made it into two rooms. One a normal library and the other a separate library with all the books in there having to do with the supernatural.  
  
Xander looked over at Sam, who looked anxious and was watching the elevator floor number. Xander knew that Sam wasn't sure if he was his brother, and at this moment probably couldn't care less. Xander had resources that could save Sam's brother. But that was okay, he was used to not being anyone's first choice.  
  
It didn't take long before the elevator doors opened and Willow walked out with them. They walked into the library, the first section contained regular non-supernatural related books. It had shelves from floor to ceiling around the entire room, except for the front where the desk stood and a door that led into another room. There were also several freestanding bookcases and nearly every spot was covered in books. These books were mostly for studying for classes or pleasure reading. It was summer so it was not used all that much. Although the last time he had been here, he was interrupted by a boy and a girl making out in the library.  
  
The supernatural books were located in a different section. In fact, there was a thick soundproofed wall between the supernatural books and the others, so that if there was an apocalypse, those researching for it wouldn't be disturbed by the school kids. Willow was heading towards the door and he followed her into it. He looked around the room, it took up half the floor. This room, like the other side of the library, had books going all around the walls. There were also several bookcases of books too, and two big tables with several chairs around them.  
  
"Alright, so Xander you want your usual room and I can give Sam here his own." She took two keys cards out of her pocket, she gave one to Xander and one to Sam. Sam's key card also had a sticky note with Room #1546 on it. They both put their respective cards in their pockets.  
  
"So you know breakfast is whatever you can find in the kitchen and wrestle away from someone else. Unless you want to go out for breakfast?" she said to Xander, who shrugged. He wasn't sure if Sam would be leaving this room anytime soon ,and he wasn't sure if he should stay with him or not.  
  
"Okay, well let me know," she said then made her way out of the room closing the door behind her. Xander went to the section that had the most information about creatures not on the Hellmouth. He brought a stack of them down and put it on one of the tables, he heard a chair being pulled out as he made his way to go grab another stack.  
  
By the time he was done, he saw that Sam was already flipping through the first book. There were about a hundred books stacked on that were just the ones that had seemed the most likely to contain information about purgatory. He sat down and grabbed a book from the stack. He had just planned to set Sam up and then maybe talk to Willow or watch Sam, but he figured he might as well help research too. Although he doubted Sam would just trust him and would probably look through the book again even if he said he had checked it.  
  
They had been checking books for hours, Sam had a few notes from various books and Xander had a few notes of his own, along with book names and page references so that Sam could look them back up easily if he wanted to. Xander needed a break.  
  
"Sam do you want to get something to eat?" Xander knew the answer, though, even before he asked it, the last few hours Sam had been researching like a mad man.  
  
"No," Sam said shortly without even looking up from the book.  
  
"Alright, I'm going to go out for awhile. Don't try to take any of the books out of this room." Sam didn't say anything, he just flipped the page, so he hoped Sam had heard him. He got up and stretched his legs and arms a bit, then made his way out of the room, through the still very quiet library and to the elevator. He pushed the 18th-floor button and waited for the doors to close.  
  
All the permanents lived on the 18th floor, it had been where the suites were located when it was still a hotel. It's also where his room was when he had been planning to be a permanent before he went to Africa, before he had changed his mind. The room was still his, and although someone else had lived in it for a little while, they had moved out and now it was empty. Xander made his way to the room and opened it with his key. It was the closest thing he had to a home outside his 2003 silver Taurus. He had forgotten to grab his duffel bag from the car earlier but he'd get it later, probably with Sam's stuff as well, since he doubted Sam was going to stop until someone made him. If no one else did, he planned to do so himself a little later on.  
  
He looked around the room. It looked exactly the same as it had before, only with a light layer of dust and a few cobwebs. He had made this room by himself ,with his own hands and he really liked the way it looked. There was even a small kitchen with a regular sized fridge in it, although no sounds were coming from it. They probably unplugged it to save on bills or something. In fact, everything in his room was unplugged. Normally everything was plugged in and ready, but he usually gave them a bit more notice than he had this time. He sat down on his bed and laid down staring at the ceiling for a few moments.  
  
Sam was here and although he was completely obsessed with finding Dean, he was here and all he had to do was get Sam to give his DNA and then they would know for sure. They actually had a med lab here, so it would only be hours instead of the days or weeks it would take if they sent the DNA sample somewhere else. Xander got off the bed. Thinking about it was making him jittery. He had to do something else to occupy his mind so he plugged back in all the appliances he would need and looked around the room. He had to get out of there, and what's more, he had to know. He made sure he had his card, left his room, went to the elevator and waited impatiently for it to come. The door opened and a smile split his face, inside was Lindsey.  
  
"Uncle Xander!"  
  
"Lindsey." He squatted down and held his arms out as the little 5-year-old ran into them.  
  
"You've been gone for forever Uncle Xander."  
  
"Yeah sorry sweetie," she let him go and backed away from him and frowned.  
  
"You got more marks on your face." How did she know? He thought his face looked the same.  
  
"You know you're not supposed to ride the Elevator alone. Where's your mom? he asked her. She didn't answer just grabbed his hand and started pulling him.  
  
"Lindsey, maybe you could just tell me where she is?"  
  
"Uh-uh," she said and kept leading him to wherever she was planning to lead him. Which was probably their room since it was only a few doors down from his. She opened the door, the permanent rooms (except for his) had no locks on them anymore and were replaced by normal door handles.  
  
"Mom I found Uncle Xander!" Willow turned around and frowned.  
  
"Lindsey where have you been?"  
  
"Looking for Uncle Xander."  
  
"You know you're not supposed to leave the room without telling me."  
  
"But Mom," Lindsey whined.  
  
"No buts Lindsey." Lindsey turned out her bottom lip in a deep pout.  
  
"You told me Uncle Xander was here, but you wouldn't let me go see him." Lindsey didn't wait for Willow's answer though, she just dragged Xander down the hall to her room.  
  
Lindsey introduced him to all her new toys and talked his ear off about castles, and princesses, and magic and it was nice for awhile to just talk to Lindsey. She had no idea about his mother, or his possible brothers, all she knew is that Willow had visited him a few weeks back. It was somewhat relaxing. Someone knocked on the door and Xander turned his head towards it to see Willow peeking her head in.  
  
"How are you and Lindsey doing?" That was code for do you need to be rescued? Xander sighed, he knew what he needed to do, he had to get the DNA test done as soon as possible, so he would know as soon as possible, so he would stop wondering what if. Xander nodded his head slightly.  
  
"Lindsey the grownups need to talk, why don't you talk to Mommy." Willow's daughter was conceived through magic, she and her life partner, a nice woman named Rebecca, had decided they had wanted children and since they both were powerful witches, they were able to create a spell.  
  
"Rebecca's here?" Willow nodded.  
  
"Yeah, she's in our room." Willow sat down across from him and looked at him concerned.  
  
"How are you doing?" Boy, was that a loaded question. How was he feeling about his mom or how was feeling about his possible brother who was off the deep end?  
  
"Fine," he said unconvincingly and Willow stared at him knowingly.  
  
"I have to know, if he is or if he isn't."  
  
"How about your mom?"  
  
"Honestly, I have done my hardest not to think about her in the last few weeks. It's the only good thing about this whole Sam situation."  
  
"Xander, you can't just shut the pain out," she said concerned.  
  
"Willow can we not do this right now? Can't we just talk about what happens if Sam is my brother?"  
  
"Sure, what happens if Sam is your brother?"  
  
"I have no idea, I know he's obsessed with finding Dean. The books we have here are the only reason he agreed to come in the first place. So even if we are brothers, I don't see Sam being any less obsessed with Dean until he's saved him and probably the angel too, and even then, we're adults, not kids," Xander trailed off.  
  
"I have to know...I just have to know one way or the other, I have to."  
  
"Okay then, let's find out."  
  
"You'll...you'll go with me?" Willow smiled.  
  
"Of course, I will Xander."  
  
"Thank you." Willow stood up.  
  
"Just let me tell Rebecca where I'm going." Xander stood up too. Boy age was starting to make him a little stiffer than it used to. He made his way into the hall where he was met by Willow.  
  
"Ready?" he asked her, even if he wasn't sure he was ready himself. Willow nodded and they headed out of Willow's place and towards the elevator. It hit him then, how weird it must be to live in a place like this. At least it was consistent, though, he moved to a new place every few weeks according to the hunts he found. He hit the elevator button and waited anxiously. It must have shown because Willow grabbed his hand. Xander turned to her and smiled at her to show his appreciation. The elevator dinged and the doors opened and Xander and Willow stepped into the elevator.  
  
Xander hit the floor level for the library and watched the floor numbers read out anxiously until the door opened. He looked out over the extensive library and took a step outside the elevator and another towards the second library, when his nerves assaulted him again. What would happen if they were brothers? What would it mean? Would anything change? Would he want anything to change?  
  
"Xander, are you okay?" Xander snapped out of his thoughts grateful again that Willow decided to come with him.  
  
"Yeah I'm fine," he said more as an automatic response than a purposeful lie. He may have gripped Willows hand a little bit tighter on the way to the second library but he would never admit it. In what seemed like forever and at the same time no time at all, he was in front of the oak door to the second library. Xander reached for the doorknob then thought better of walking into a room where Sam was without announcing himself first. So instead knocked on the door a few times, then opened the door and walked in. Sam didn't so much as glance up from the book he was reading. Now was the time he drew strength from Willow and managed to speak.  
  
"Sam." Sam still didn't look up, he didn't appear to have even heard him.  
  
"Sam," Xander said a bit louder and got the same results.  
  
"Sam!" Xander shouted. Sam jumped and with one swift movement took his knife out and looked around the room wildly until he finally focused on the two of them. He put away the knife after a long moment.  
  
"Sam, will you come with me to the med lab?" Sam blinked a few times then looked down.  
  
"Sam?" Xander asked. "It will only take a few minutes."  
  
"Don't you want to know for sure?" he didn't look sure and looked around the room at the books.  
  
"Even if you're not my brother you can still use the books." Sam looked pensive but before Xander could analyze anything more about Sam, Willow said  
  
"Xander, can I talk to you in the other room?"  
  
"Sure." Willow led him to the other side of the door and asked.  
  
"If he's not your brother, do you still want him around?"  
  
"You haven't seen him. He's a wreck without his brother and even if he isn't my brother he deserves to get his brother back. Not to mention Dean has saved a lot of people over the years and he doesn't deserve to be in purgatory."  
  
"You're right, but if he isn't your brother, we're going to have to watch him closer." Xander nodded and opened the door again. Sam was looking in their direction this time as the door opened. Sam stared at him for several moments then nodded.  
  
"Yeah we should probably find out for sure," he said quietly. Getting Sam to agree to the DNA test had been part of his worries, so having that part successfully completed should make him feel a little better. It didn't. Because now it was certain they were going to find out whether or not they were brothers and soon.


	12. Chapter 12

### Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer

  
The elevator ride to the med lab was absolutely silent. No one made a single sound. The only noise that was heard was the dinging sound the elevator made at every floor. Everyone's eyes were glued to the numbers showing which floor they were passing. Xander fed on Willow's strength the whole way up, he was so glad she was there.  
  
The door opened after what seemed like hours and they filed somberly out of the elevator into the med lab which took up an entire floor of the building. It was primarily used to patch up slayers if they got hurt patrolling. But there was a section devoted to medical research. Currently, there was someone carrying out testing to see how slayer genetics worked.  
  
Abbey was the name of the scientist who came forward to meet them. She was wearing a purple shirt with black dress pants and a white lab coat. She was probably in her 30's and had shoulder length black hair. She smiled at them and shook Sams, then Xanders' hand. Her eyes lingered over Sam for a moment longer than the other two, but that was probably because she had never seen him before.  
  
"Don't worry it's a non-invasive process," she said to Sam. Xander already knew the process because his DNA was already on file for security reasons. He was just here to make sure Sam actually went through with his DNA test. Abbey led Sam over to one of the beds and gestured to him to sit down, which he did all the while looking uncomfortable. Abbey fiddled around with something then held up a cotton swab, with a container at the bottom.  
  
"All that's going to happen is I'm going have you swab the inside of your cheek." She handed him the cotton swab and watched as he did as she had instructed. After he handed the swab back to her, she moved the container from the bottom to the top enclosing the swab and smiled.  
  
"That's it, the result should be back in several hours." Xander took in a deep breath, he knew it wouldn't be instant, but it just seemed like forever. Sam nodded and stood up from the bed.  
  
"I guess you can go back to researching until the results come in," Xander said. Sam nodded again and started heading for the elevator, Xander and Willow following a few feet behind him.  
The ride back to the library was just as quiet as the ride from the library had been. Xander was going to go with Sam, when he realized that until they knew results it would just be as awkward as it was at that moment.  
  
"I'll find you when the results come in," he said instead and saw Sam nod and leave the elevator.  
  
Xander turned to Willow.  
  
"Please distract me," Willow smiled.  
  
"Of course, let's go back to my room I'm sure Lindsey would love helping distract you again." Willow hit the button for their floor and they waited as the floors went by until the elevator doors opened again, this time on the floor containing their living quarters. They made their way past Xander's room to Willow's.  
  
Willow opened her door. The doorknob itself was spelled if he remembered right. Only Willow, Rebecca, or Lindsey could open the outside doorknob. He had barely walked 2 steps into the room when a little red haired bullet attacked his legs.  
  
"Uncle Xander you're back!" Lindsey said, full of excitement.  
"I'm back," Xander said matching her excitement. She then frowned.  
"You didn't say goodbye." Xander looked back and remembered she was right.  
  
"You're right Lindsey. I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye."  
  
"It's okay,"she said instantly perky again. She grabbed his hand and started pulling him down the hallway. He saw Rebecca and she smiled at him and Lindsey. Rebecca was a year younger than Willow, had brown hair and blue eyes, was pretty and best of all loved his Willow. He trusted her with his Willow.  
  
"Hey Rebecca."  
  
"Hi Xander."  
  
"How are you?"  
  
"Nervous. Willow's told you about it hasn't she?"  
  
"Yeah, I would be nervous too in your situation." Lindsey started tugging on his hand insistently Xander gave Rebecca an apologetic look and Rebecca smiled at him in a 'what can you do' kind of way. Lindsey pulled him into her room again and pushed him down into a sitting position. She gave him one of her dolls.  
  
"Play." It was a command and Xander smiled. He didn't have any sisters, so he had never really played dolls until Willow and Buffy had kids. Lindsey was the closest thing he had to kids of his own since he wasn't going to have kids. He probably still physically could, but he couldn't fathom how he would be able to stand raising a family and hunting at the same time. He was close with Buffy's children as well, but he more often made it to Ohio than California and saw Lindsey more than Buffy's kids. They played with the dolls, then with stuffed animals, and had moved on to the Legos when there was a knock at the door. Willow opened it a moment later and stuck her head in.  
  
"It's time for dinner you two," she said with a smile. Xander took his cell phone out and looked at it. Had it really been that long? He got up from the floor and stretched a bit wincing at his aching muscles. Yep, he was definitely getting old. He followed Willow and Lindsey to the kitchen. Where there was a very good smelling pizza waiting for them, along with Rebbeca.  
  
"Pizza," Lindsey said loudly with excitement.  
  
"Well, Uncle Xander's here. We figured it was a special occasion," Willow said with a smile. He picked a piece of Hawaiian pizza up only to realize he was too nervous to eat at the moment. He put the pizza back down on his plate.  
  
"You okay?" Willow asked after chewing a bite of her own piece of pizza.  
  
"Just not hungry is all." Willow nodded.  
  
"We'll save you some for when you're hungry again," Xander smiled, he was so lucky to have a friend as great as Willow. Buffy and Dawn too, even if they were far away at the moment. Dawn and Buffy had called him several times after he had left Willow and had started searching for Sam.  
  
Lindsey, for being so small, managed to pack away a lot of pizza in a not so neat way. Pizza sauce and cheese covered her little face. Xander smiled wider, she looked so cute. She smiled back at him and Xander took out his phone and took a picture of her. Willow laughed but brought out a napkin which Lindsey dodged when Willow tried to wipe her face.  
  
"Lindsey!" Willow admonished. Lindsey shook her head.  
  
"Lindsey!" Willow said louder. Lindsey made a face, a very funny face, and Xander had a hard time hiding his smile as Lindsey finally stayed still and let her Mom clean off her face. As soon she was done Lindsey started pulling him back to her room. This time, Xander resisted, remembering he had to grab his and probably Sam's bags from his car.  
  
"I have to go grab my bags, I'll be back in a minute."  
  
"Can I come with?" she pleaded.  
  
"Ask your mom." Lindsey looked up to her mom and asked.  
  
"Mom, can I help Uncle Xander with his bags?"  
  
"Where's your car?"  
  
"In the parking lot." The unspelled parking lot.  
  
"Maybe you should just wait till Uncle Xander get's back."  
  
"I'm five years old," she said putting her hand up as a visual aid. "I'm not a baby."  
  
"I know honey but I think it's better if you stay up here," Rebecca said. Willow and Rebecca were both very protective of their little fiery daughter much to her dismay.  
  
"I'm not a baby." Knowing even at five what her mom's resolve face looked like she knew she wasn't going to get anywhere.  
  
"Fine," she said as she stomped off to her room.  
  
"I'll be back soon." he called to her, Lindsey didn't give any indication that she had heard him.  
  
"I'll be back soon," he said to Willow and Rebecca this time, they nodded. Xander left the room and made his way down to his car where his grabbed both his and Sam's stuff and made his way back to his room.  
  
He put his duffel bag by his bed and Sam's on the other side of the room. Xander yawned as he shut the door again on the way to Willow's room. He hadn't slept since last night and he was really starting to feel it. Lindsey would hopefully get him energized again. He tried to stifle another yawn as he knocked on the door to Willow's place. Lindsey opened the door and let him in.  
  
"What are we going to play now Uncle Xander?"  
  
"Play." That sounded ominous like it was going to take a lot of energy.  
"Um, let's just play a quiet game." She stuck her bottom lip out.  
  
"But those are no fun." He thought it was funny, but had trouble finding enough energy to let out more than a snort. Suddenly the couch in front of him started looking very comfortable.  
  
"I just need to sit down for a moment," he said as he sat down. The couch was even more comfortable than it had looked like to begin with. His eyes kept falling closed and he kept prying them open, each time it was taking more energy. He couldn't sleep, he had to stay awake so he knew when the results would come in. Yet somehow that thought only seemed to make his eyelids even heavier.  
"Xander? Xander?" Lindsey was pulling on his hand.  
  
"Uncle Xander just needs to close his eyes for a moment."  
  
"But Uncle Xander!" she whined.  
  
"Just a minute..just a minute." he muttered, probably incomprehensibly as his surroundings faded into black.  
  
Xander opened his eyes slowly and looked around, his brain foggy. The surroundings were unfamiliar, though that was normal since he moved around so often. It took his brain a few moments to recognize that he was at Willow's place. He was still tired and was about to close his eyes to go back to sleep when he looked up and met Willow's eyes.  
  
"Willow?" he said sleepily.  
  
"Yeah, Xander it's me." His eyes closed briefly again before they opened and he looked sleepily at her.  
  
"You took a nap, it's 10 pm." He was wide awake. Why had Willow let him fall asleep? What if Abbey had called? He fumbled around in his pockets looking for his cell phone and took it out. It had no missed messages, he relaxed minutely.  
  
"You okay?"Willow asked sitting across from him.  
  
"Yeah," Xander said. He didn't really want to elaborate at the moment. It seemed like the worry which had mercifully been gone while he was asleep was back and worse than ever. But the only thing that would change his worry was the answer.  
  
"It's 10pm?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah," Willow replied.  
  
"Is Lindsey asleep?"  
  
"She tried to wake you even though I told her not to, but you were sleeping like the dead."  
  
"Please don't use phrases like that," he said. She laughed a little.  
  
"Sorry," she said. "Are you sure you're okay?" His cell phone rung, saved by the bell, he thought and he answered it as soon as he got it out of his pocket.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hey Xander, this is Abbey. The test results are in." He wanted to know right then but he and Sam should probably find out together.  
  
"I'll be there in a minute," he said.  
  
"Bye," Abbey said.  
  
"Bye," Xander echoed faintly. He put the phone down on his lap and stared at it for a long moment.  
  
"Xander, are you okay?" Willow asked.  
  
"The results are back in," Xander replied faintly.  
  
"Did she tell you?" Willow asked concerned. Xander shook his head.  
  
"I told her I would get Sam and meet her in the lab."  
  
"Do you even know if he's awake?"  
  
"He's obsessed with finding Dean, I'm 90% sure he's awake, and that he won't go to sleep until someone makes him or he falls asleep in a book."  
  
"Well then shouldn't you go get him?" Willow said after a moment. Xander nodded. He knew he should but couldn't seem to find the strength in his legs to get to his feet.  
  
"Xander you've been searching for the Winchesters for awhile now and now you've got one here. Admittedly, it's not the best situation but family usually is full of problems anyways. You know that you need to know, just so you know for sure. So stop worrying about it and go find out whether or not there's really anything to worry about."  
  
"Willow what the hell would I do without you?" he said warmly, Willow smiled in return, and then launched herself at him and wrapped her arms around him giving him a long hug. Xander tried to absorb her strength and the two eventually pulled apart.  
  
"Do you want me to go with you?" The answer was yes, but at the same time no. Whatever the answer was, it would change everything. If he was Sam's brother then he had to focus on getting Dean out of Purgatory. If they weren't related then Xander had to focus on finding his family, and he needed to figure out the truth without Willow. He shook his head slowly.  
  
"Alright then, if you need me call or just come here anytime."  
  
"Thanks, Willow you're the greatest."  
  
"So are you Xander," Willow replied with a smile. Xander got off the couch and exited the room. He reached for his phone to call Sam, only to realize he didn't actually have Sam's number. Despite it seeming a lot longer, he had only really known Sam for a few days. Xander sighed and made his way to the elevator.  
  
He found himself standing in front of the library door Sam was behind in what seemed like no time at all. He knocked on the door twice before opening it, not wanting to surprise Sam. Sam was looking at him, his eyes were red. Xander would bet his eyes were as well, at least Sam slept most of the way there, though. He had only had an unintentional 3-hour nap and he was way past due for a real sleep. However, the anxiety of what was facing them kept him very awake at the moment.  
  
"The results are in." Sam nodded but Xander couldn't read the expression on his face. Sam got up from the table and started towards the elevator, Xander following a few steps behind him. Boy, was Sam tall and he had a long stride. They went into the elevator and Xander hit the button. Xander couldn't help but keep glancing at Sam who didn't look nervous at all. The doors opened and they stepped out of the elevator and into the lab where Abbey was waiting for them with a sheet of paper in her hands.  
  
"So like I told Xander I have the result of the DNA test, and there's a 92% chance that the two of you share the same father." She handed the sheet to Xander. He had no idea what it meant, except it probably proved that they were brothers. Sam took the sheet from his hands and scanned it, apparently knowing more about what was on the sheet than he did.  
  
"Okay, we're brothers, so now you have to help me save Dean." Xander laughed. Whatever he had been expecting, that hadn't been it.  
  
"Sam, I will help you save Dean. I already told you that. Don't you have anything to say about us being brothers at all?" Xander could tell Sam wasn't paying attention. His gaze was focused far away from the room they were standing in. Maybe after the younger man got some sleep things would be better.  
  
"Alright Sam, you need to go to bed."  
  
"I've only read through a few books. "  
  
"No matter how many books you read through, you need to sleep because you have not been doing a lot of that."  
  
"I'm not a kid. You can't tell me when to go to bed!"  
  
"And if you weren't acting like a kid who needed someone to tell him to go to bed I wouldn't. But if you don't get enough sleep, what happens if you miss something, some subtext while you're reading? Do you want that to happen?" Sam seemed indignant then seemed to think about it for a second. His look changed and Xander knew then Sam had realized the truth in Xander's words even though he didn't want to lose time researching.  
  
"I just want to save him."  
  
"I know Sam. I know you want to save him, but you have to take care of yourself so that you can save him. You got your card key?" Sam nodded tiredly.  
  
"I forgot my bags in the car."  
  
"That's okay, I brought them in. I'll bring your bag to you in the morning, just go to bed." Sam nodded then turned around and made his way out the door.  
  
"Are you okay Xander?" Abbey asked. He had absolutely no idea whether he was okay or not.  
  
"Do you need to call Willow?" she added a bit awkwardly. Xander smiled a fake smile.  
  
"I'm fine," he lied, "I'm just going to head up to my room and sleep." Abbey nodded awkwardly and Xander nodded back at her and made his way to the elevator. How many times had he found himself on this thing already today? It seemed like a million. He made his way out of the elevator and into his own room. He took off his coat and shoes and collapsed onto his bed staring at the ceiling.  
  
So he finally had the truth. His father was John Winchester. His half brothers were Sam and Dean Winchester. Sam, the only living family member he had, was completely obsessed with saving Dean, who was apparently in Purgatory at the moment. Both his brothers had been to hell and... and honestly it was all just a little too much for him to deal with at the moment. It had been a long day. A long couple of weeks and right now he wanted to think about anything but his life. Xander struggled to remember where he had put the remote and turned on the TV in his room. There wasn't much on, but he focused on the nothing really well and soon the exhaustion he had been able to ignore for most of the day overtook him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Xander opened his eyes blearily and actually managed to recognize the room he found himself in. There was only one place he recognized that readily, his room at Headquarters. That thought sent the memory of the past few days echoing through his head. He groaned, sleep had been so nice, a long period of time in which he hadn't had to think about what any of it meant.  
  
He had two brothers, two half brothers, and another dead father. Oh yeah and another dead half-brother, he had forgotten about Adam. His brothers were Sam and Dean Winchester. Couldn't he have found less complicated siblings? He pulled himself into a sitting position resting against his headboard. He looked at the red numbers on the alarm clock; it was 7 o'clock in the morning.  
  
They were brothers. What did that even mean? He had never had any siblings, although he always considered Willow and Jesse to be like his siblings, but they hadn't spent time together 24/7. Of course, now that they were adults, what did being siblings mean for adults? Especially ones that hadn't grown up together?  
  
Not to mention the fact that they all hunted. Would that give them a common bonding ground or would it create more friction? Then there was the fact that Sam was completely and utterly obsessed with finding Dean. It was all a little too much for him think about. He thought knowing would making it easier. It didn't. Only time would tell him the answer to all his questions, that, and actually talking to Sam. He caught sight of Sam's bag and grimaced, it seemed like such a good idea yesterday but now it seemed like something he really didn't want to do. He got up from the bed and stretched a bit keeping his muscles looser.  
  
He blinked a few times then decided to procrastinate a little longer the conversation he needed to have with Sam by having a shower first. He stripped off all his clothes and got into the shower. Man, he loved his shower, it had the exact amount of pressure he wanted. The shower experience as a whole was pretty much only a 15-minute distraction, then he was fresh and cleanly dressed, right back where he had been before he started.  
  
Xander figured that Sam would be up and about now and if he wasn't then he could just give Sam his duffel and they wouldn't have to talk until later. He went to the elevator, slowly walked in and hit the 15th-floor button. He actually wanted the elevator ride to last longer. and he was pretty sure that the elevator ran faster than usual just to spite him. The elevator doors opened and Xander walked onto the floor. It had been several years since he had been on the 15th floor which was for visitors. He walked purposefully slow until he came to the right room number and knocked.  
  
Sam opened the door slowly and saw Xander there.  
  
"Got your bag for you," he said lifting the bag up a little.  
  
"Thanks..hey...do you want to come in?" Xander wasn't going to lecture him on the 'come in' part, mostly because the entrance is where the vampires would be weeded out and these were temporary rooms anyways and as such had no protections.  
  
"Um..sure." he stepped into the room. It was very much still like a hotel room complete with bed, table with chairs, tv, dressers and sink outside the bathroom.  
  
"Do you want to sit down?" Sam asked gesturing to one the chairs at the table. Xander sat down and saw Sam sit down on the bed facing him.  
  
"I've been thinking about it this morning...been thinking about the fact that we're brothers and I'm sorry that I didn't say anything yesterday...it's just...I don't do well without Dean. I found that out the last time when Dean went to Hell after he sold his soul to save me after I had died. I made a lot of bad choices then, and I don't want to make bad choices now, so I've just been trying to get Dean back because I need him and I can't leave him in Purgatory."  
  
"Yeah, I know kinda sorta know what you might mean. One my best friends died saving the world and we were afraid that she was in hell. We hated to think that after all the good she had done she was there suffering. So my other best friend said that we would save her and take her away from it.   
  
We were wrong of course, we pulled her out of heaven. We were just so sure she was in Hell, but I think it's because we missed her so much and wanted her back. We were just best friends, though, not brothers."  
  
"I need Dean back and I know he's in Purgatory because Crowley practically told me."  
  
"Crowley? Isn't he King of Hell right now?"  
  
"Yeah, we kind of have a long history with him." Xander noticed he kept on saying words like we and us, like he wasn't used to using the singular term.  
  
"He's also the bastard that didn't tell us that using the weapon we used to kill Dick had the nasty side effect of blowing anyone standing too close into Purgatory as well," Sam said with a voice full of loathing.  
  
"I was going make another weapon until I realized that Cas was the only fallen angel I knew since Gabriel and Balthazar are both dead." Xander felt totally out of the loop. He knew angels had something to do with the apocalypse Sam had started but he had never actually met one. Sam seemed to have met a lot of them. "Not to mention Crowley probably wouldn't give us his blood again. So I was back to square one, only with Bobby and his house blown up and Bobby really dead this time around. I only had the books that Bobby had in storage."  
  
"Yeah, I heard about that. I'm sorry, I know you guys were close. I worked with him once a few years ago."  
  
"Yeah, it seems to be something that happens to people who get close to us. You should probably stay away for your own safety." Sam said bitterly.  
  
"Oh, I'm a demon magnet myself. All the demons seem to find me very attractive," Xander said with a smile, like he was boasting.  
  
"Well, that proves that all Winchesters are cursed. Adam died when he was 19 just for being a Winchester. We didn't know about him until after a ghoul already ate him and pretended to be him to try to kill us because our Dad killed a family member." Sam bit his lip.  
  
"Anyways, I'm sorry."  
  
"It's no big deal. When I first figured out I was possibly your brother I kind of freaked out a little too, but I got to do it in private." At least for a little while until his mom had died and Buffy and Willow had come. He shook his head, he didn't want to think about his mother right now.  
  
"I just...I need my brother back."  
  
"Then let's go find something to get him back."  
  
"You're going to help?"  
  
"He's my brother too," Sam smiled. For the first time since Xander had met Sam, it wasn't a sad smile. Sam looked different like that, younger and less burdened, as he realized he wasn't alone, and Xander was glad to see it.  
  



	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
> 
> A/N: Sorry that it's kind of short.

He and Sam after their conversation in Sam's room had gone down to the library almost immediately afterward. It had been really awkward at first, but then he had just gone into research mode and blocked everything else out but the book in front of him at the moment. They spent hours like that before Xander's stomach reminded him that he had skipped breakfast loudly. Sam didn't seem to notice. Xander closed his book.  
  
"I'm going to get some lunch. You want anything to eat?"  
  
"Not hungry." Sam looked up after a long moment and added, " thanks, though."Xander decided not to push it, this time. He would push him if Sam didn't give into dinner. He made his way back up the 18th floor hoping the offer to eat the cold pizza from last night was still on the table. He knocked on the door and Willow answered it.  
  
"Xander are you okay?" she asked concerned. She ushered him into the kitchen and had him sit down at the table and sat down herself across from him.  
  
"I came to see if the offer for the pizza is still open?" Willow smiled and got up from the table. She went to the fridge, got a plate with a few pieces of pizza on it which she sat down in front of Xander.  
  
"Yeah Lindsey wanted to eat it but I saved it for you." Xander purposefully ate the pizza slowly knowing that once he was done eating the onslaught of questions would come. But soon he was out of pizza and the time had come to talk.  
  
"Xander." She didn't have to say anything, her tone said everything. She wanted to know what the answer was.  
  
"We're brothers." he said with a strange slightly hysterical laugh.  
  
"How are you doing with that?" she said in a very Willow way.  
  
"I honestly don't know. I have a brother- two brothers. I have a brother in Purgatory I've never seen except for his murder video made by his Leviathan double. I have another one who is very determined to find his brother. We talked this morning, though, and he seemed to make an effort. I volunteered myself to help with the search and …I don't know anything other than that."   
  
"You've had a very eventful night, week, month." Xander closed his eyes, he did not want to think about the beginning of all of this, his mother's death. It had only been a little over a month since her death.  
  
"I know you don't like talking or even thinking about it. I mean that's why you jumped on this whole find my brother's thing but since you found them-"  
  
"Willow don't," Xander warned tiredly.  
  
"I'm not trying to hurt you Xander, it's just you can't hide from it forever."  
  
"I know that!" he shouted, then winced.  
  
"Sorry," he mumbled. "Can we not talk about my mom?" he asked. Willow sighed but nodded.  
  
"For now," she said. "But this isn't over mister," she said using her resolve face.  
  
"Yeah I know," he said quietly. The door opened and Lindsey and Rebecca came in. Lindsey saw him and shouted.  
  
"Uncle Xander!" he smiled as she rushed towards him, no animation lost from yesterday. How had everything that had happened yesterday had only taken one day? It seemed like it should have taken much longer.  
  
"You're back and awake," she said excitedly.  
  
"I can't stay long Lindsey." Xander apologized. He had to get back to researching.  
  
"Aw!" she said crestfallen.  
  
"I'll be back," he said.  
  
"Promise?" she asked.  
  
"Promise," he said smiling back at her.  
  
"Okay," she said slightly happier.  
  
"I just have to ask your mom something then I'm going to go."  
  
"Okay." Xander turned to face Willow and he lowered his voice and asked.  
  
"Willow? In case we don't find anything-"  
  
"I've already started looking into it," she interrupted.  
  
"Thanks Willow, you're the best," he smiled and made his way back to the library. Sam was sitting in the same chair in the same position that he had left him in. If Sam had moved a single inch since Xander had left he couldn't tell. Xander sat back down in the chair he had vacated and got back to work.  
  
Please review :)

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think


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